So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
