Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
