i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
