That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
