We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
