Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
