I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
