Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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