What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
