I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
