quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
