You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You're like the curious george of whores
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
