Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
