ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
