i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
