I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
