When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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