Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
