After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
