Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
