Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
