I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize