Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
