she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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