dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize