He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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