oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
