just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize