He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
