Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
