i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize