my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
