New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize