Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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