So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
