Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
