so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
