oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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