i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
