Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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