i think my mom watched the whole time
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
