new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
