Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
