I wish I could teleport
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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