Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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