If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
