his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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