My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize