When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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