operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
