You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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