Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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