I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
