Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
