I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
