honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
