Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
