Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
