soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize