Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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