i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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