Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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