if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
