We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
