So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
