Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
