so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
